Food for thought: What’s the worst that could happen?
Awhile back, I posted an entry on my blog from a self-facilitated session about financial security. It’s a popular topic these days, don’t you think?
Many people I know have suffered what most consider to be hard financial hits – layoffs, cutbacks, stock market dwindling, investments not returning… and there’s a lot of fear out there.
One of my biggest fears used to be losing everything I’ve worked so hard to earn. I know I’m not alone – most of us believe that if we lost everything we have, we couldn’t go on. No matter what your current financial circumstances, harboring that thought will bring instant fear. What is the worst you think could happen?
“If I lost everything I have, I couldn’t go on.”
“If I was 65 years old and couldn’t retire, that would be the worst thing.”
“If I worked my whole life and had nothing to show for it, my life would be a waste, and THAT would be the worst thing.”
If you are afraid of something bad happening, I invite you to find TEN GENUINE REASONS why the opposite could also be true – for example: “If I lost everything I have, I COULD go on.”
I call this “un-scaring yourself about money.”
Re-visit the blog post about financial security here.
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Was this useful for you? I’d like to know!
If you have questions, an insight to share, or need further clarity on this principle, I’d love to hear from you.
How to stop should-ing on yourself
from my Clarity Coaching E-Zine, Sept 2008. (I just found this puppy in an old email archive and thought you’d enjoy it reading it again!)
I’ve discovered since our new baby arrived that I think I should already know how to manage two children. Why not? I’ve been doing it for a whole two weeks now; I’ve got a two-year-old already, piece of cake, right? Every time I get impatient, I find myself entertaining thoughts like “I should be able to do this” or “this shouldn’t be so hard” or “I can’t handle this!” This new addition has proved to be more than my parenting skills seem to be able to handle lately.
Have you ever felt frustrated with yourself because you just can’t seem to get something right – something that you really think you ought to have under control?
I’ve discovered that the root of this problem is confusing theoretical knowledge with actual knowledge. Theoretical knowledge is the kind of knowledge that exists only as a concept and not in reality. Here’s an example I often share with my clients.
You know that a tiny baby, though limited in its current ability, has incredible potential. You don’t expect more from a baby than they have mastered; you understand that things unfold in time as the child develops.
However, we seem to think that just because we are now adults who have learned to walk, talk, drive cars and go to work, we also ought to be able to live according to everything we know is possible for us. Just because we have learned that we “should” be kind or happy or successful – in theory – we expect ourselves to BE kind or happy or successful – in reality. But how could you if you haven’t figured out how to bridge that gap? (If you actually knew how, you’d be doing it.)
Sometimes we demand performance from ourselves at levels that we haven’t yet mastered and then wonder why we feel frustrated, inadequate, and depressed. You wouldn’t get upset at a new baby for not being able to stand up and walk, would you? Your spiritual development is much less apparent, even though it develops with time and experience just like everything else. (Here’s a great quote on my blog that expands this concept.) Unlike physical milestones, we have no real way to measure our spiritual progression.
So, when I say “I should be more patient than I am” – sure, I know theoretically that more patience really is a good thing, yet obviously I haven’t quite learned how to be that it in this situation just yet. I’m working on expanding that capacity. The only way I can learn that in actuality is by doing it, experimenting with it, struggling with it. We don’t learn how to walk by reading a book or attending a lecture or getting really good advice on it; we get up and fall down enough times to discover how to balance on our own two feet.
So look for yourself – where do you have it like you should or shouldn’t be the way you are? Here are some common ’sticky’ thoughts:
“I should be (happier, more successful, more accomplished)…”
“I should be more on top of things.”
“I should be more organized.”
“I shouldn’t be struggling with this.”
“I should be able to do this by now.”
When thoughts like this surface, remind yourself that you must not actually know how. Go easy. Be kind. Be aware and make changes as necessary.
You could also examine any “shoulds” in your thinking with some of these questions:
-Should… according to whom? (If the idea is something you can’t own, it probably won’t be very empowering.)
-How do you react when you harbor that thought? Does it bring me stress, or peace? (I noticed that the thought “I should be more patient” actually makes me impatient!)
-Can you find a reason why it makes more sense to be where you are instead of where you think you should be?
-Change ” I should be…” to “I hope to be…” How does that feel different?
If you can shift from demanding something from yourself to cultivating something in yourself, I think you’ll have a much kinder experience on your journey through life. Let me know what you discover!
